can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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