we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
