I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
