I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
