I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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