she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
