you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
