i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
