i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I want her autograph on my taint
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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