Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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