I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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