What a fucking waste of an outfit
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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