who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
