I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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