You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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