You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize