So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
