the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize