My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
