he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
they're like a gay fantastic four
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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