Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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