Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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