No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
