Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
