What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
