okay pat passed out under dana's car
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
