Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
