am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
