Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
