I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
