He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
