Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
