I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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