she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
