yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
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I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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