I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
