That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
