Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
