I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
