Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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