i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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