Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
