I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize