Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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