I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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