I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
