You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
