he wants to bone in the snuggie
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
