I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the day after is always just damage control
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
