I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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