When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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