Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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