your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
