so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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