the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
