His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
