They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize