I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize