my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
