The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
