You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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