were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
