had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
