Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
