It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize