Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A+ Viking dick
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
