Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
