i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
