I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
