My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
