I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize