This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
