Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
