thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
