Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
this hospital has no fireball
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
