No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
