omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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