I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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