I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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