Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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