Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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