i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize