he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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