I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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