the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize