Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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